The Rest Of The Story... (aka: Self-indulging Oversharing Too Much Information Post, Part 2)1/15/2018
The following is from a Facebook post I made last night...
Yes... let’s talk... Yesterday I was invited to the Pats game and someone also walking in the door stopped me to say I had lost a lot of weight and it was clear that I was taking things very seriously(as far as the diabetes diagnosis). They then shared that they went through the “same thing” in their family. In line walking into the Brandt Centre wasn’t the place to dig deeper into the conversation, but clearly they had read my blog from last month. I wish the other challenges I’ve been overcoming were as easy to notice as the physical, but the random support was appreciated. Soon, stories of people dealing with mental health issues will flood social media as part of one of the most famous campaigns in the world, but I tell you this now as someone who has lived the shame... the solitude... and survived it... there is hope. You don’t need to suffer alone. I’ve learned that support may not come from where you expect, and you can’t expect everyone in the world to sympathize or even understand. Still, and again I base this on my personal experiences, finding the strength to be honest with yourself and accept what you can and can’t control is a big step. Like before, I share this not to garner sympathy, but in the hopes that it connects with someone who might be living in the darkness. To quote a very good friend of mine, “It’s ok to feel blue... don’t go black”. It WILL get better - and people DO care.
Since making this post, the feedback has been very kind. However, it was a private message that made me realize that had I not found the help I needed, things could have gone a lot differently...
I'll be completely honest. Since this all started, I'm not that big of a fan of seeking attention - which is odd for a guy whose career has basically been trying to get anyone to pay attention for the better part of 15 years. While very nice, the praise in that message is unnecessary. This is a lot for some people to take in, and in today's "DON'T OVERSHARE" society, the wild west of social media may be just as quick to ignore or mock this post as it is to accept it, but that part doesn't matter right now.
This comment brought back some truth I didn't want to acknowledge about myself. I've got a lot of good in my life, yet the brain works in strange ways - it took a lot of work to see it again. I have a better understanding of the physiology (Remember: everything psychological is biological), and the forgiveness I've had to show myself and others for what has gone on up until this point. This comment made it even more real for me - and may be for someone else out there right now. There have been other messages and comments, and I encourage anyone who wants to talk to me or someone else about this to do so... when you're ready. - MM
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Well... here goes… There's a lot going on in my world right now. What started it? The fact that I’m a recently diagnosed diabetic. How recent? October 30. Yeah… the day before Halloween. Dick move, doc. In all seriousness though, my curse is my blessing… just like Spider-Man… if Spider-Man could never really enjoy eating whatever dessert he wanted to again. During my diagnosis, I was told I was an “extreme diabetic”. What makes me “extreme”, is the level of blood sugar in my body. My doctor told me that an average person, after fasting for 10-12 Hours should have a blood sugar rating of about 5.9. When my blood was tested, I came in at 12.9. The day I was diagnosed, 13.4. The next morning I was at 14.5 Safe to say, I was flying pretty high, and have likely been suffering the long term damage of too much blood sugar. Friends of mine and some people out there know that I’ve been to the hospital a few times for different things. While I can’t connect them ALL to this, several of my issues since diagnosis have seen remarkable turnaround. Things like chronic joint pain all over my body, fatigue, and all around just not feeling great have subsided. Not so much as a heart flutter (I used to get regular SVT episodes)… and I sleep at night – the WHOLE night. Being diagnosed as Type 2, that means no needles full of insulin. That doesn’t mean there isn’t constant testing and medication though. Physically, things are looking up. Neurologically, is where it gets a little more dicey... Those who know me, on whatever level, may also know that I can be a pain in the ass. I’ve been passionate, short on patience, and sometimes, just a downright jerk. I’m not saying that being a diabetic makes you a prick, but in my case, there is likely a link between the two. In the last few weeks, I have completely transformed, physically, and mentally. I can exercise without too much pain, so I do so regularly. I eat better. I check my sugars EVERY day, more than once. Some days are better than others. Additional depression from diabetes is also a possible contributor to my mental health, but it’s still all so new, myself and my doctors are all figuring it out together. Combined with a number somewhere in the dozens when it comes to visiting a psychologist, there are a lot of positive developments that have been taking place, including the introduction of new medications to deal with the changes going on. The struggle is ongoing. I’ve tried to be the professional and keep it to myself, as I know there are many people who don’t need/want to know this, and frankly, those who are dealing with much more in their lives. I first told myself when this happened that I wasn’t going to be one of those people that spewed his guts about mental illness, but at least if I tell the story, I know it’s the truth. A very good friend encouraged me to share as much as I was comfortable about sharing. This is about as far as I can go right now. If anything I've described sounds like something you're dealing with personally or with someone in your life... look for the answers. If who you're talking to doesn't have them, find someone who does. You could be saving yourself. I'm going to make it... for the better I’m not mad. I’m not even disappointed. My childhood wasn’t destroyed. So here it is – as sure as Ghostbusters is a part of my being (literally), I can tell you that the level of hate this movie has been hit with before its release can simply stop. No, it’s not the Ghostbusters I grew up with. The comedy structure is completely different, the characters are completely different, and the car… I gotta admit, my biggest source of trepidation was the car. This is a very 2016 Ghostbusters – which isn’t a bad thing. The jokes, while in some ways less “smart” than the original film, are still funny – and there are a lot more of them. The characters all have their own quirks, and no one character reminds you of any of the four originals – something I feel needed to be done. There are some things that don’t quite make sense. There’s no real opposition in the film, rather this group of Ghostbusters trying to overcome their own struggles. The addition of a villain also makes for an interesting dynamic – something that forces our new team to band together – which is the theme throughout the story. Some old favorites make appearances – Yes, Slimer makes his return to the franchise – and he’s got a girlfriend – More toys to sell, remember? That’s still a big part of what this is all about – although for the life of me I STILL can’t find anything in stores except for PopVinyls. Look – I watched the first trailer – and like much of the internet, I felt the crunch of something I grew up with being tampered with. As more trailers came out – I started to buy in. Even the producers admitted the first one released probably wasn’t the best one. After seeing the movie, I agree. Nothing shot this movie in the foot more than its own rushed publicity. The final project, if you truly are a “fan”, won’t disappoint you. The word going around is that the initial cut of this movie was over 4 hours long. That would be too much. Still, there were some gags that were released in early trailers which don’t make the final film. Paul Feig has said somewhat of a director’s cut will be available – I’ll be buying it. Pros:
I’ve shared stories about what Ghostbusters means to me. From the time my Mom drew the logo onto a blank tape for me so it would look like the soundtrack we couldn’t afford growing up, to even going to the Hook & Ladder 8 in Tribeca – also known as Ghostbusters HQ, to even having Dan Aykroyd sit 3 feet away from me and tell me about what were originally the Ghostbusters 3 plans – I like to think I qualify as a sort of Ghostbusters aficionado. These characters were like imaginary friends to me. With the cartoons, I went on weekly adventures with them… and when I got older, I realized how much work went into making them. The torch – or neutrino wand, has been passed for a new generation to experience and enjoy. To all the keyboard warriors out there who want to trash this film, and to everyone that hit the “dislike” button on the first trailer, I’m not going to try and sway you. To anyone who wants to feel good about going on another romp with the Ghostbusters, past and present… just go see it. Most importantly – have fun. That’s what this is all about. Bustin’ STILL makes me feel good. Good to see you again, Mr. Ramis. Dear Musician hiring a tracker:
I've bit my tongue for the solid part of a decade on this, but today was a dark day. I received a call from a tracker regarding a single from a new artist. While listening to the song, I started asking simple questions... "Where is this artist from? What's their story?" - while neither of those questions would determine whether or not the song would be added, it would be nice to get a back story on the performer I was listening to. The "tracker" then replied with "We sent that in a press release, I don't know. You'd have to ask my boss". As the conversation progressed, I admitted that I was going to give about as much interest to this song as the tracker was giving it. They followed with, "So is that a 'pass'?"... to which I regrettably had to say, "Yes". Now, I'm not the be-all end-all of Music Directors, and today happened to be a day where I had a LOT of things on the go. Still, when I have the time to really look into an act, I will - and I have a long list of people who can attest to me listening to their songs on the phone with them or in person to try and offer whatever advice I might have - good or bad. One thing I've ALWAYS appreciated is that when an artist takes the courage, time, and MONEY to release a song to radio, they do so in the hopes of accomplishing their goals. If any feedback I give can help with that, I've done my job. There is nothing sadder than witnessing an act, big or small, get duped into being told their song is "radio ready", when realistically it probably doesn't stand a chance. I won't go into much more detail because it isn't fair to the artist who trusted these people with their money and their brand, but I will say this... Please... for the love of all things holy... DO YOUR HOMEWORK. 3 EASY steps to picking someone to toss money at to represent you: 1) What is their track record? 2) When was the last time they actually got a song to chart on a chart that actually matters? 3) What kind of REALISTIC feedback are they offering you? Remember, if you're going about this yourself, you are the boss. Start with those 3 questions and go from there! Some of the BEST trackers I know in the business turn down more songs than they take... others take everybody they can and "make no promises". Can you imagine any other business besides a casino that would tell you that? "Well, thanks for all this cash, but I don't like your odds"... While there's no guarantees in life, a good tracker will at least give you some realistic expectations, rather than toss their hands up and give an "I dunno!" In keeping with my own personal beliefs that people don't go to work and say "How can I screw up someone's life today?", I'm simply saying, 'watch out for yourself'. There are many new trackers out there that are putting in the work and while they may not have big success on commercial radio, they still put in the effort and form those relationships necessary to better represent artists. They should be commended, and if you do a little bit of legwork, you will find them. Keep making music, keep doing what you do, and keep reminding yourself, "I'm in charge here". Some of my tracker friends who are still waiting for feedback on songs - you know it's coming. As for the person that called me today... If you're representing an act whose money you're taking and you can't even tell me what damn city they're from... just get out... NOW. I'm the creepy guy that eats alone in restaurants. It's not that I want to, but my schedule is so different from all my friends' that it's just easier sometimes to dine by myself. This past Tuesday, after my latest run if physio to get my knee working again, I found myself in the cafeteria at Wascana Rehab here in Regina. It's a lovely facility, and the crew seem to enjoy what they do. As an outpatient, I get to sail in, do my stuff and leave. That day, I decided to stay for lunch. After watching a very loud angry woman be a total... Word I can't say here... to one of the cafeteria employees, I bought something to eat and hobbled to the nearest seat. I've been dealing with depression my whole life, which while I'm generally a happy dude, can be crippling when things go south. I highly advocate seeking help, and I'm not ashamed to tell you that over the years I've done just that... much more than once. After my surgery, depression reared its ugly head. I had friends to stay with at first, but when I got back home I was left to fester with my own thoughts. Did the surgery work? Will I walk again? Did I make the right choice in getting this done? Why aren't people calling? Why does my cat seem so distant? Are they finding my replacement at work? Will I have to go on disability? How will I pay my bills? It spiralled down from there. By day 5 I was convinced I would never be the same. To be honest, almost a month later, I still feel that way a bit, but I've put my faith in the physio crew here. For those that don't know, I'm currently rehabbing what was supposed to be a simple scope to clear out my knee. That escalated mid-surgery to a "Lateral release", where tissue is cut away from the kneecap. Things were going well until one day when I managed to fall hard - landing and completely bending the newly operated-on knee to its fullest point - something that shouldn't have been possible at that stage. Yeah. It hurt. It hasn't stopped hurting. This brings me back to lunch. Just before going to get my lunch and seeing the spectacle that was this angry-ass woman, I was told that from my fall, I may have torn a quad muscle. Being a huge WWE fan, there was a time in wrestling where it seemed everybody's quads were tearing, so I know what the rehab process is and how hard it can be to bounce back from. The downward spiral was within distance again. Another surgery? 8 months rehab? No running? No anything?! Then I saw this woman go berserk on the cafeteria staff. I used to have a pretty volatile temper myself, so seeing how ridiculous this woman looked instantly brought some shame to myself. These days, instead of anger, I've trained myself to simply shut down and re-evaluate later. I still cut a mean promo (trash talk) when aggravated, but I usually do it in the basement when I get home. It occurred to me that maybe this woman, who was just so venomous to a complete stranger, hadn't figured out how to deal with her anger. I've been there. It's not right, but I understand. I have no idea why she was at the Rehab facility, but considering this is a long-term stay for some folks, I started thinking that maybe she has a loved one here who is struggling. Maybe she's dealing with that and got some bad news before heading up here for some Liver and Onions. Maybe I'm giving her too much credit and she's just a bitch. I don't know... and while I'm not condoning it, I kept trying to understand her outburst. I'm sitting there... eating my lunch, and being a creep. I start listening to conversations (what else am I going to do?!). Not far across from me is a man I'd put in his 50s or so, and he's telling a fascinating story about how he has lost almost 12 years of his memory after an injury. The therapists here are working with him and he's worried about what he's going to remember - with the good comes the bad, right? I'm 36. Losing 12 years of memories would be losing a third of my life. THAT would be devastating. This guy was dealing with it, and while I could sense some despair, I never got the impression that he was going to give up. I've got some work ahead of me, and while my brain fires differently than others, I'm going to do my best to remember the two examples of coping I saw today. I'm still afraid of what's happening with my leg. I've "upgraded" to using a cane instead of crutches, but that doesn't make me feel any better about the situation. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not at my worst. There is support. I have friends far and wide who are pulling for me. I'll figure this out. If I don't... then I'll deal with it. Again... what other choice do I have? I would like to preface this that while I'm living in Regina these days, I still own a home in Edmonton, and thus still fall into that nice little "taxpayer" group - so don't even try me there.
Tonight, Edmonton City Council has decided in a 7-5 vote to do away with the slogan “City of Champions”. I’m gonna go ahead and say it. I don’t give a damn about Grey Cups, Stanley Cups, or for that matter sports in general. I’m a fan, and I enjoy the entertainment some sports bring me, but that’s all it is. I get caught up in hype, cheer for who I deem the "good guys" that night, and so on. If things don’t go my team’s way, there’s always next time. To me, that's a healthy sports fandom. In some cases, a team can be bigger than their game, serving as tributes to the communities they play in, but realistically, professional sports teams and their success doesn’t change the world. With ALL due respect, there isn't a Sports Team in Edmonton - and hardly any other city - that can boast that kind of a reputation. Furthermore, they hardly save lives. It feels good to go and cheer something, but a sports team’s win/loss record is no more vital to the spirit of a community than a Nickelback concert passing through… unless it’s in Hanna… I guess… Some were quick to support the decision of 7 councillors with clearly no other pressing issues to discuss, saying that a city relying on former sports glory to market the city is archaic and obsolete. Others have said that it’s time for Edmonton to find a unique way to brand themselves. Edmonton Councillor, Michael Oshry was the first to bring the motion to Council for an official decision. In a blog post, he touted that “Make Something Edmonton” should be a theme moving forward, while at the same time limiting the use of the term “City of Champions” to the Oilers and the Eskimos. He continued to go on and on about other sports cities and their success, while calling it "humiliating" to refer to Edmonton as the "City of Champions" when the Oilers or Eskimos are losing. Sounds like someone is taking their sports fandom a little to the extreme, in my opinion. Even the Mayor himself, whom I haven’t had the chance to meet, so I will reserve my personal opinions said that Edmonton is in a “post tagline era”. Does that mean no more hashtagging? #damn #MakeItYEG So yeah... the trophy shelves have been a little bare as of late... I guess that means Edmonton is a City of Losers, right? I was a part of 8 Radiothons for the Stollery Children’s Hospital. During those events, Edmontonians raised RECORD NUMBERS to save the lives of sick children. Those people are CHAMPIONS. I personally witnessed Edmonton’s theatre and arts community grow into something dynamic and vibrant. THOSE people are CHAMPIONS. There has been more done in Edmonton than any other city in Canada to combat poverty and homelessness among their population. The battle isn’t over, but the fighters are already CHAMPIONS. When an entire community, Slave Lake, damn near burned to the ground completely, Edmontonians FILLED SEMI TRAILERS full of water, supplies, and everything imaginable to support their neighbours. Championship Material right there. Those are just a few things I can think of off the top of my head – and not one of them had to do with a damn hockey game. In 2001, I moved to Edmonton from Red Deer. I was going to start my time at NAIT to hopefully get into radio school and make something of myself. While it didn’t define me in any way, I still remember my buddy and I breaking into hysterics as we passed that old brown sign that said “Welcome To Edmonton, City of Champions”. The onset of pride in my new home was instant. I wasn’t born in Edmonton, but it will always be home. Personal memories and accomplishments aside, every time I check in to see what’s happening in the City of... uh... , I feel a tremendous sense of pride. Now, to the naysayers that will proclaim that I’m taking this way too seriously… You’re wrong. Taking a slogan way too seriously would be dedicating city time, resources, and money to worry about something so trivial. Taking a slogan way too seriously would be using it as a “brand” to define your city, rather than any of the MYRIAD of other things you could talk about. I LIKE the light up bridge… The River Valley is still the most amazing place on Earth to get lost in, and hell, even the “bad parts of town” aren’t that bad anymore! So… the next time I make my way home for a night at Tony’s Pizza Palace, decide to test my dancing/singing skills at Cook County Saloon, go for a run in Hawrelak Park or even brave West Ed on a Saturday, I will always think of how much happiness I’ve had in The City… of Insecure Officials and overzealous “Entrepreneurs”. Let’s Go Blackhawks! PS - Mr. Oshry, if the missing "City of Champions" sign from the south entrance to the city truly is in your fire pit, then I hope you are turning yourself in to EPS for destruction of city property, vandalism, and what I'm guessing is an illegally sized fire. Then again, you are a rebel. "Call Me Maybe" just came on at the Pats game. That song will always take me back to a bridge in Montreal. I was running the Rock N Roll Oasis Half Marathon. It was shortly after leaving a radio job in Edmonton and I was using the running time to think about things. Between the litney of emotions I was still working through, and the struggle of being 2/3rds through the run, I must have had a bit of a sour look on my face. While I was crossing the bridge, one of the bands the marathon organizers had on course were covering that infectious little diddy. I was actually making good time and came up behind a group of guys from Germany that were clearly there more to have fun than try and hit any personal bests. Suddenly, they all burst into song... "Hey I just met you... And this is crazy..." and so on... Upon seeing me, this larger, scowly-faced runner by them, they started to awkwardly stop singing. Suddenly, I looked at them, whipped my sunglasses off and started singing with the band... "Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad! I missed you so bad! I missed you SO SO BAD!!!" Their faces lit up and we all danced and sang along like fools across the bridge and by the band on stage. Call me crazy. A good buddy of mine told me once, “McGuire, charity work is like your M-O!” While it’s true, I do have causes and charities that I believe in, and will usually do just about anything if it means helping someone out, even I don’t always feel like supporting the cause… and I don’t feel bad about it for a second. The thing is, for as many causes I’ve given to, donated time and services to, there are probably just as many or more that I won’t lift a finger for – and that’s okay, because it’s MY choice. Recently, I did the #IceBucketChallenge in support of ALS – a now multi-million dollar global initiative. It was a small donation and the chance to be an idiot… I’m in, and it was fun. I made my nominations, and as I did, they started to continue the chain. One of my nominees didn’t want to do it. I’m totally cool with it. Here’s the thing: I didn’t let him know in advance, and while I like this person and consider them a good person, above everything else, I respect him as a person. He’s a celebrity, but we chat from time to time. After he chose to sit it out, I PM’d him immediately. I didn’t care that he didn’t want to do the challenge or donate – instead, I wanted to make sure I didn’t upset him by nominating him. For all I know, ALS is something he’s dealing with in his family… maybe he has a fear of water… or buckets… or maybe… just maybe… he just didn’t want to do it. After finding out that he wasn’t mad, he was just choosing not to be a part of the social media blitz, I left it at that. I don’t think any less of him, and in fact, I respect him for sticking to his beliefs. Remember, it’s charity, and everybody has their own priorities in life. Be honest: unless it’s in your family, when was the last time you thought anything about ALS before this all started? Now we know more about it, and they’ve raised (pardon the pun) BUCKETS of money… Mission Accomplished. Photo: wwe.com I've seen a lot of things in wrestling, but this is the first, "Arrested, sentenced, fired, hired, all within 48 hours" I've ever seen.
The Backstory: WWE's "Emma", (real name Tenille Dashwood), was spotted by a loss-prevention officer at a Connecticut Wal-Mart walking out of the store seemingly without paying for an iPad case worth about $21.00. In court, pleading against a sixth degree larceny charge of shoplifting, Dashwood's lawyer said that it was a result of being confused with the self-serve checkout system. The result? Dashwood was found guilty and sentenced to 1 day of community service. Following the conviction, WWE issued a statement that Emma was released from the company. "WWE has come to terms on the release of WWE Diva Emma as of today, July 2, 2014. WWE wishes Emma the best in all her future endeavors." A few hours later, WWE came back with this statement: "Upon further evaluation, WWE has reinstated Tenille Dashwood (WWE Diva Emma) but will take appropriate punitive action for her violation of the law." For the record, several WWE superstars have a rap sheet. Depending on the severity of the incident, very few afew have been released while under contract. As for Emma's "punitive action"? Well, in the spirit of believing this is an innocent mistake, I hope the action isn't too severe. I've got an idea, why not make her come to the ring doing some ridiculous dance or something? Just kidding - I love the dance. When I first heard about this video, I thought it was going to be the dumbest thing I'd see today. After a few minutes in, I actually found it more refreshing, and oddly insightful into the way people communicate. A few weeks back, "The Kiss" became a viral hit, taking complete strangers and having them make out with one another. People touted it as "resurrecting intimacy" and "showing a true human connection". Really? I say no way. EVERYBODY wants to be kissed. Who hasn't thought of the idea of something romantic forming with a complete stranger being a huge rush? Kissing is the easy way out. This... a potentially violent and dangerous act, turns into something hilarious, and as one slappee/slapper mentions, a "strange way to make a new friend"... Check it out! Oh ya... is that Haley Joel Osment? |